Relationship Excuses and Why We Are “Taking a Break”

Okay, so to avoid stereotypes, I am not going to gender these responses.

#1 Take a Break to Explore

One of the most common reasons for a partner to decide to take a break is because they actually want to explore an interest that they have in another party without having to feel guilt or remorse for exploring that. In reality, this is often one of the more destructive reasons to take a break in a relationship. In effect, it’s justifying cheating behavior on the primary relationship by claiming that the relationship “isn’t over.” They’re simply taking a break. With that, they’re able to avoid a lot of the confrontation that inevitably occurs with a breakup and still be free to explore and pursue the sexual interest with the other party. In some relationships, taking a break simply means that they stop dating and they still have sex.

#2 Take a Break to Focus on Self

A second common reason to take a break in the relationship is to judge personal interest. Maybe they have a fear of commitment, perhaps there is an issue outside of the relationship that seems to take all of their attention, whatever the reason they can’t focus time and energy into a relationship at this point. So it seems easier to claim that the relationship is on a hiatus. In reality, they’re so busy dealing with their own personal problems the relationship becomes non-existent.

#3 Take a Break to Relocate

The third most common reason to take a break in the relationship is for a temporary relocation out of the area. This reason is potentially thorny as well. Depending on the definitions between the two parties of what the actual break entails, or more importantly, does and does not allow, can determine whether there’s a relationship to come back to. A lot of times it’s simply maintaining a backup plan in case they choose to pursue a new relationship in the new location.

#4 Take a Break to Decide on Breaking Up

The fourth most common reason to take a break is a total relationship breakup, without the mess. It completely avoids any confrontation, loud arguments, explosive outbursts, and the drama of a full-on breakup. They have discovered that they actually are not interested in pursuing this relationship at this time. They say they want to “take a break,” when the reality is they don’t want the relationship at all, it’s actually a breakup.

#5 Take a Break to Grieve

The fifth most common reason to take a break is easily the most emotionally damaging reason of all. The party requesting the break is going through heavy emotional turmoil. Perhaps the loss of a family member, moving forward after a previous lover, etc. They’re grieving and are taking a break to allow space for the grieving process. While not a seemingly illogical reason to take a break, and is usually done out of an interest in not emotionally harming the other party, they’re simply hurting themselves. People who are grieving often push people away in an effort to cope with the pain they’re experiencing. The reality is, grief is when it’s most important to stay close to others for one’s best mental health. Taking a break needs to be focused on giving space to process emotion without the stress of a relationship, reducing the stress of trying to feel sexy, please a partner, or be responsible for someone else’s needs. It should also be taken as a call for the other partner to be emotionally supportive, offering kindness, caring, and concern without pressure.

Journaling: What It Is, and What It Isn’t

First of all, journaling may bring up connotations of little Debbie writing a daily diary of all her efforts and failures for the day, and that’s partially true, but it doesn’t have to be.

Journaling also brings up images of Bridget Jones Diary, and again, that’s a book and movie, and while funny, our lives are not movie scripts (at least I hope not).

What journaling is, it’s a slightly more active meditation tool. It’s a guided inner journey of self-discovery through words.

Talk therapy with yourself method. It helps you become more self-aware and progress along the path to spirit.  A way to explore more about who and what you are without judgment.

It’s also a tool for sorting and organizing a whole range of complicated human experiences.

Journaling allows you to gain the separation you need to help foster growth and understanding of who you are. For the more creative types, you can use self-designed planners and envelopes with scrapbooking. Stickers even doodles, drawing, and sketching can all be involved as journal tools for self-discovery.

It can be a simple 50 cent notebook, and a pen from the bank counter, or a note-taking app on your phone. Or start a digital diary on your computer (would not recommend a published blog ) Use what feels right to you to write. As in any self-work too, there is no right or wrong way.

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.”

Anne Frank

A few simple get started tips:

  1. Set an alarm, making sure that you spend 5-10 minutes daily with your own Journal journey will help you build the habit , thankfully this is actually a good habit.
  2. If you can, set up a private quiet space to explore the process.
  3. Know that whatever you write is yours alone, if you need to lock your journal so it stays private do so.

Journaling prompts- in no particular order:

Do I like who I am?
Am I living my best life?
When was the last time I laughed out loud?
What do I feel about waterfalls?
How does society’s image of me affect my behavior?
Do I appreciate my body?
What are my top 5 favorite things in my life right now?
What are 3 skills I want to learn?
What is my worst personal habit?
How do I honor my own divinity?
What are 5 things I learned about myself in the past 3 years?
Do I love myself?
How can I tell people I care about how I feel?
Draw 3 oracle or Tarot cards, what is my reading?

What is your morning routine?
Do I judge others?
What’s the best piece of advice I have ever received?
What’s the best advice I have ever given?
Do I ignore my negative feelings?
What animal do I connect with and why?
How could I improve my attitude towards myself?
What do I want in life?
What steps can I take starting today to improve my health?
Do I pay attention to my intuition?
Is my personal space conducive to my peace of mind?
What is something I wish I knew when I was younger?
Do I make sure my values and my actions align?
What is the biggest secret about myself?
What am I doing to assist my personal growth?
What are 3 quotes that mean a lot to me?
How would I define my spiritual path?
What messages does spirit have for me?
What is my best feature?
What do I offer as a friend?
What is my best self-care routine?
What is the biggest challenge currently facing you?

Relationship pauses or ‘breaks’

Okay, so you and your “boo” have been hitting it hard and hot for 7-8 months now, and all of a sudden it’s time to “take a break” because things are getting “too serious.”

This is an interesting situation because there are a lot of reasons couples decide to do this.

Here are The Top Five Reasons why relationships take a break:

1. Past Trauma

When one of the partners is working through past trauma either from childhood or prior relationships, it’s very easy for things to become emotionally overwhelming in a relationship especially in the new stages where we’ve got the new relationship energy just pinging off of everything oftentimes it’ll get to a point where things are so overwhelming and that it’s necessary to put the brakes on a relationship for a while to be able to work through it.

2. Inability to Communicate

This one’s a really sneaky reason to put a break on a relationship it most often ends up in a permanent end to the relationship because you can’t work through an inability to communicate if you’re not together.

3. Financial Stress

Depending on the source of the financial stress this is actually one of the better reasons for a relationship break. Because often both parties tend to exceed their budget trying to create new memories with their partner during the early honeymoon stage of a relationship. So by putting a break on the relationship we can put a break on the financial hemorrhaging that’s been happening and get the relationship back on track without having the stress of the finances.

4. Lost Love Syndrome

Certain personality types have a real hard time letting go of past relationships and eventually they idealize the past relationship to a point where the current relationship could never possibly hope to measure up. So taking a break so they can explore this idealistic idea can actually be a good idea.

5  Infidelity

Last, but not least, we have infidelity. So infidelity as a portion of taking a break in a relationship generally fits into two different categories it’s either the person has feelings for someone else and they want to explore them or they’re already exploring those feelings and they don’t want to lose the primary relationship in case the secondary relationship fails. More often than not, this type of relationship pause ends up being permanent.

There are actually several more reasons why relationship pauses or breaks happen but it’s more than I’m going to get into this blog post with. I would be happy to work through your personal situation during a private consultation.

I will cover each one of these reasons more in-depth both from a male and a female perspective in future posts. Please follow along.